I used to follow you around,
I was your shadow on sunny days, your stray moonbeam at night,
You never seemed to notice me among brighter lights,
You used to ignore me and pretended not to care.
I used to think you were beautiful beyond compare,
And I couldn't help myself, I would just stare and stare.
You used to drive away from me, and leave me cold,
Standing there alone on your corner on rainy days.
I used to go through your trash, in order to treasure you,
I took it home in order to feel closer to you.
You thought I was dirty and poor and you pitied me,
You gave me coins one day and told me now I could catch a bus away.
I never spent that money, I threw it away with you,
I put it in the river along with your body, It looks prettier underwater,
You talked and begged me though, when I took you in your car,
You wanted to drive very fast but I kept making you take your time.
That's all i really wanted from you really, was time, was talk
Was for you to acknowledge that I existed,
You never did that did you? Never opened up to me..
Well at least you didn't before I opened you up myself.













Critiques
"I was your shadow on sunny days, your stray moonbeam at night"
And within the next stanza:
"I used to think you were beautiful beyond compare,
And I couldn't help myself (insert a comma here please)I would just stare and stare.
You used to drive away from me, and leave me cold,
Standing (insert word "there") alone on your corner on rainy days."
the whole thing became very easy to relate to (which by the next stanza, it makes a person feel cold because you wrapped them into the story so nicely).
The third stanza is when we start to see the beginning to the end, though I didn't even foresee how far this character would go.
The fourth and fifth stanzas twist the story as the character's mind must twist. I love the last few lines, excellent!
The whole poem to me flowed nicely, it told a horrifying story, where in the beginning the reader is sucked in, and by the end they are wishing they hadn't been, again excellent! I have faved his wonderful poem!
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